A mother's dilemma

Feb 10, 2012

So, this is how it is like when your child starts primary one…

1. You check his exercise books everyday just to confirm whether he had missed any homework.
2. You worry whether he eats well, and had enough meal at school everyday.
3. You worry whether he understands all the lessons at school.
4. You feel guilty unable to teach him extra lessons at home whereas his friends’ mothers who happen to be housewives, sit with them and revise every page of the text book every day!
5. You worry whether he is being bullied at school.
6. You worry whether he spends too much time watching cartoon network when his school mates might be studying hard to score good results in exams.
7. You worry whether you are giving too much freedom to him. Because you are still contemplating whether to start sending him to tuition when most of his friends had already started 3 to 4 sessions of tuition per week.
8. You worry whether his obsessions with soccer would affect his studies.
9. You worry when, whenever you ask your son about what he did at school in detail…he stares at you and say “I don’t know…”
10. You worry when you ask “Was school fun today?” and he says “It was so very fun! I played fighting game with my friend and today the result was a draw…”


Am I worrying too much? My goal is pretty simple. Just wanting him to enjoy learning at school. I want him to feel the excitement of knowing new knowledge every day without me pushing too much. I try not to be a "Tiger mama"...though I was born in the year of tiger. Wahahaha

Gosh, it is really hard to raise a kid! You have to give the “right amount” of pressure. Not too much until he suffocates but just enough so that he would not be left out. My mom must have made a huge effort to guide me and make me someone I am today. I feel very grateful for that. But at the same time, I feel that I may not be as strong as her and may not be able to guide Sya well in his studies. Even when he is still standard one!

Oh, btw…have you read the primary one text books?
I remember that when I was in standard one, teachers used to teach us from scratch. But now, it is as if the kids should have known all the basics even before starting school? And the mathematics? No more easy 1+1=2 equations. The maths involve understanding long sentences and need a lot of thinking. The education level is surely higher now as compared to before.

Sya’s best friend at kindy goes to the same school as Sya. I called his mother the other day for a quick chat and she told me that she was very worried with his son. His son cried a few times at school…not on the first few days of school but only recently. Reason being, he is worried that he couldn’t catch up with his studies! He demanded his mother to find him a few good tuition teachers! The mother was shocked, Not because of the rising tuition fees but because she had never thought that her child would take education so seriously! At standard one! She is now afraid that his son might go coockoo one day!

Well, I am feeling a lot better now. At least, my son is enjoying school. At least he’s not giving himself too much pressure. At least, he is highly unlikely to go crazy. At least, he is still my playful, carefree boy. Alhamdulillah.

Indeed, I am feeling a lot better.



Cheqna said...

Salam Nana,

InsyaAllah you'll be a great mother and give Sya proper guidance just like your mother did with you and better.

It must be worrying that children ask for tuition themselves at such young age..they must have taken it seriously or think that its expected of them to excel in their studies. Pity really..

Hope Sya knows that he has your support in whatever he's interested in and at the same time not neglecting his studies. Praying for his success..amiin.

That's my two cents this evening..hope it makes sense..hehe..


TK said...

Salam Nana..lama x dgr berita..

Mmg betul if we are not working, lagi byk kita bole ajar anak.
My son, I pressure dia masa darjah 6 je because I want him to get 5A's. Dari darjah 1-5, I let him enjoy his childhood tapi make sure dia tak ketinggalan sgt in his studies. Sekejap je anak2 ni membesar. Now my son is no more at home- jumpa dia weekend or cuti je.
Anak2 memang akan berterusan ada problem kat sekolah sampai bila2. It's part of a process of growing up. Yg ptg selalu doakan anak2...

Enjoy besarkan anak2!!!

Nana said...

Salam Cheqna,

Thank you and amin~ to that. Thank you for your kind words, I will remember to do it one step at a time. I will observe and guide him whenever he needs me. It is a lot easier to be the nagging mother, but I try to resist that temptation! :)

Nana said...

Salam TK,

Thanks for the advice. Your advice sound so easy but I am sure it needs a lot of patience and psychological approach to guide a boy! Thank you again, I will remember your advice. Banyak2 berdoa dan kena tenangkan diri...:)

ps: sorry...memang lama tak buka computer kat rumah. Tidurkan anak, I pun tidur sekali. Pagi kena bangun awal2 pulak tu. :)

Anonymous said...

By the sound of it (re: #8,9 & 10), Sya is coping well and enjoying himself in school. You'll only have to worry when he starts crying and refuses to go to school coz it may be a sign that (1) he is being bullied or (2) he is being victimised or picked on by the teachers for failing to keep up with his peers.

Otherwise, let him enjoy. Only things you need to do is go through his exercise books/ schoolwork/ workbooks everyday. You can pre-empt most redflags from there. Chill, friend!

i amsterdam said...

Dear Nana,

Now you make me WORRY... How to guide a kid to enjoy being a kid, and yet at the same time still catch up with "the standard of studies" nowadays??

Hmmm I worry with that factor- sending to tuition at 7 years, I truly do.

Cheqna said...


..where as I can be the nagging aunty..hehe.


Nana said...

Dear Cara,

I guess Sya is doing alright. He's used to "alien" situation. Although he had some language problem in Japan, that didn't discourage him from learning. That's why he's not panicking like other kids do. Yeah, I am going to check his exercise books and school work every day to start with. Thank you so much for the advice friend!

Nana said...

Dear I.A,

Will Ilham be receiving Malaysian education in the future? It may need some adapting there. It is worrying... Sya started primary one. He's crawling but ok. My friend's son who's had education in Japan for 4 years, had difficulty adapting to the system when he came back and started primary 3 in KL. The last thing I hear, his parents had transferred him to a private school. I guess, if the kid is not enjoying school, it's an indication for a change...which I very much hope not going to happen in Sya. But chill, it's still very much depend on that individual. Ilham will be totally fine! :)

My Putri said...

its really scary and worrying thinking of our kids goin thru school these days... my girl is only 2 yrs old and i m already worried seeing wht kids go thru these days... well no matter wht, guide them , let them breathe at the same time and enjoy childhood.. as it only comes once in a life time.. am sure they wil do juz fine..
now i wonder how i went thru it all ..hahahaha..

Nana said...

Hi My Putri,

It is scary isn't it? I still very much believe that our children need to enjoy the childhood. So, let's hope we are right. Cause our decision will very much affect them if we were wrong. Let's hope mothers' intuition is always right! :)

Ribbon Clown said...

Salam Nana,

some of the parents here (in SG) start sending their kids to enrichment classes as early as 3 yrs old. I'm pressured but I did nothing. I want my kid to have his childhood. I'm sending him to playgroup for 3 hours and that's it. I'm dun want to be a tiger mom either. hee

Nana said...

Salam Ribbon Clown,

Thank you for dropping by. How nice to have a new blogger friend! I saw your blog and gosh, I am amazed with your beautiful pictures you have taken and also those yummy food that you made.
Yeah, childhood only visits us once and I agree that children need their childhood in order for them to grow and mature well. At least that's how I think. Insyaallah they will be able to catch up. Will visit your yummy blog again!

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